Tonight I experienced what a true family is! I did something tonight that I've never experienced. My parents and siblings never sat around a table and played cards together. That is so sad. I guess that's why I never gave board games a chance. Because I never had a chance to be a part of a real family...until now.
Eventhough I like to cause drama and I talk the talk; that doesn't mean I walk the walk. I have spent years pushing people away and trying to make people see what I want them to. What is it exactly that I want them to see? Do I want them to see the pain that I bare from my childhood? Do I want them to see the strong woman I have become through all I have endured? No, I want them to see the woman God has made me to be. I am a strong (yet obediant) woman of Christ that values her independence but seeks shelter in the rain. I secretly don't want to let people in because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. But I also want to share my story and let the world know the woman God has made me to be.
Whatever path I choose to take in this emotional rollercoaster of life. I hope the people God has placed in my life forgive the pain I have caused them and move onto the funny, independent, classy, wife & mother that I so deeply love being.
~All of this is for YOU!~
~Jessy
Friday, January 1, 2010
First Post of 2010
I cannot believe our son is nine months old. It seems as though I was just lying in the operating room about to have my C-Section. The more I think about it the more disappointed I am in myself for not fighting harder for a regular birth. I felt as though I just gave into the c-section because it was my only "option." I wish I could have done things differently-but I cannot.
Life is happening so quickly and I feel as though I was just a 10 year old girl yesterday. That day changed my life forever. I was playing outside and saw the police car drive up our very long drive way. Our neighbor, Viola, was also in the car with the Police officer. The Police Officer walked over to my mom and said "Maam, I'm sorry but your husband was killed in a car accident this morning. We need you to come with us to identify the body." I saw my mom drop to her knees that morning and scream. She had just lost her husband that morning. No matter what that man did to me, he was still my mom's husband. They shared their lives together and her life partner had just been ripped away from her. My mom had just become a widow and a single mother of 6 children. We couldn't have made it through it without our church family. I don't know what they saw in us-but they are amazing people. To this day I thank God for the things these people did for us.
They would pick us up and take us to the zoo. They would pick us up for church every Sunday and everytime we needed something, they were sure to make sure we had it. I hope they know that their actions were never in vain. They are the most amazing people I've ever known. Because of them-they introduced me to Jesus Christ. The incarnate man who changed my life forever. He shed his blood for me so that I may have a better life. That my friends are why he came to this earth. To save a sinner like you and I. Where would I be without my salvation? What if these events didn't happen over ten years ago? Where would I be?
I've been through a lot in my life but it all boils down to the man I met that changed my life forever. Without Him would I be a drug dealer or homeless? Was it better off that I never knew my own father? Were the events that I endured through out my life to bring GLORY to the Father?...yes! I would do it all over again to know that I pleased the Father. Although I have no earthly father...God knew that He would be all that I ever needed.
Words cannot explain the grattitude I have for these people and for my salvation.
It's not for me...It's all for YOU!
~
Life is happening so quickly and I feel as though I was just a 10 year old girl yesterday. That day changed my life forever. I was playing outside and saw the police car drive up our very long drive way. Our neighbor, Viola, was also in the car with the Police officer. The Police Officer walked over to my mom and said "Maam, I'm sorry but your husband was killed in a car accident this morning. We need you to come with us to identify the body." I saw my mom drop to her knees that morning and scream. She had just lost her husband that morning. No matter what that man did to me, he was still my mom's husband. They shared their lives together and her life partner had just been ripped away from her. My mom had just become a widow and a single mother of 6 children. We couldn't have made it through it without our church family. I don't know what they saw in us-but they are amazing people. To this day I thank God for the things these people did for us.
They would pick us up and take us to the zoo. They would pick us up for church every Sunday and everytime we needed something, they were sure to make sure we had it. I hope they know that their actions were never in vain. They are the most amazing people I've ever known. Because of them-they introduced me to Jesus Christ. The incarnate man who changed my life forever. He shed his blood for me so that I may have a better life. That my friends are why he came to this earth. To save a sinner like you and I. Where would I be without my salvation? What if these events didn't happen over ten years ago? Where would I be?
I've been through a lot in my life but it all boils down to the man I met that changed my life forever. Without Him would I be a drug dealer or homeless? Was it better off that I never knew my own father? Were the events that I endured through out my life to bring GLORY to the Father?...yes! I would do it all over again to know that I pleased the Father. Although I have no earthly father...God knew that He would be all that I ever needed.
Words cannot explain the grattitude I have for these people and for my salvation.
It's not for me...It's all for YOU!
~
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